Before and After

These photos of my grandbabes, Sunny and Ray, are two years apart. Before their dad died. After their dad died. Everything in my life now is Before and After.

Before they were four and five. After they are six and seven.

Before they called him Daddy. After they started calling him Angel Daddy. And now the girls don’t talk about him as much. When they do mention him they call him Charlie because that’s what I call him.

A few days ago Sunny said to me, “Do you miss Charlie?”

“Yes,” I said.

“When you miss him just look at me because I’m still here—and I’m a lot like him.”

The wisdom of babes. It also sounded like Charlie speaking through her, reminding me that he is still around.

Then Sunny asked, “Do you love Charlie more or me more?”

I was flustered and in the moment I said, “I love you more.” I didn’t mean it but I could tell that she needed to hear it. Sunny smiled and let her body cuddle into mine. The girls have witnessed so much of my sadness. I know Sunny needed to know that loving her was enough.

“Sorry, Charlie,” I silently said in case he was listening. “Before and After, I love you both the most.

If you are looking for a sign to write your story, this is it.

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